cranky__crocusI found my old sketch book from junior high and before. There was a picture of a lioness on my notes for the linear equation. The times when I would get a B- in maths and think, "Oh well, it's just math. I tried. I'll go get a tutor" and then went to one of my new friends to 'tutor' me in math, which was mainly just briefly understanding the concepts a bit more and goofing off.

Or the times that I'd do all my science homework the night before the 'homework check' and just joke around with the teacher, not caring if I didn't get an A, because what did it matter? Or waking up at 4 a.m. to write study guides, memorise the important phrases, go in to school without fear and just take the stupid test, because I knew it for what it was: just a stupid test. A test that had prominent life before and after it. Not a life-or-death presence in my life.

Or the times that I dealt with enough stress out of school and in school with my regular life--being The Wheelchair Girl--that I was able to look at school with clarity. And write an essay in the corridor the period before it was due without thinking it would ruin my future.

Or the times when I forgot a project on the bus and just thought, 'Awwr man, Henrich will be so disappointed in me; I forgot to do it for the deadline and now it's on the bus.' But instead just telling her and dealing with the consequences, knowing that soon enough I'd walk out of her classroom and life would continue. How much weight it didn't have to have. And how in the end she respected me for being a person who wanted to learn anyway, regardless of when my project came in--and I knew that, was pleased with that. Or the times I did my projects the night before until midnight, woke up at 4 and finished the final edits during study the period before it was due. How I was thrilled to get an A, and usually did, but if I didn't it was no big deal.

I miss understanding that school was something that had to go on in my life, but didn't have to take over; and while I was at it, I could enjoy the learning for what it was without completely stressing the deadlines and work.

I have so much to learn from my younger self. I don't know where she's gone...if she's gone and escaped me with my hip. I want to find her and remember. I want the clarity back on what's important.

[Note: this entry is not supposed to be pro-procrastination in nature; there are many appropriate ways to embody a healthy view of school. That used to be one of mine. Occasionally I even did things early, and I appreciated those for what they were--'cool, I did something early, neat' and not a judgment on increasing the validity of my character while shadowing my worth if I procrastinated.]

cranky__crocusMy father is intent on going out for a bit of food in a bit and huffed at me to make sure I'm ready but he has yet to actually appear. Until then, I will try to summarise because I haven't done much proper ljing.

Some of my favourite moments:

1) Giving Mr. Dufault turkish dlight and seeing him skip around showing his freshmen his "real English Turkish Delight."
2) Hearing/watching Mrs. Cavanagh sing 12 days of Christmas and witnessing Ms. Watson be a pear tree and so many of my other high school fave teachers on stage dancing/prancing around.
3) Hearing Mrs. Cavanagh sing Little Drummer Boy. Going to the aggie show was definitely worth it.

Christmas was nice. i got a beautiful rainbow jumper, my external hard drive and some other fun goodies. Family came. I was super duper tired.

Malled it with my friends a few times - Toast at one point, Snoopy & Katie at another. Fun times.

Had fun randomly seeing It's Complicated with light_cascades and my friends. Fantastic freaking film. Then to Applebees where they mentioned where all the old junior high kids are. Druggies or unhappy or whatever. Lots of innuendo and fun. Sleepover. Mind wouldn't hush, the usual.

New Years: Went to Katie's. Forgot to eat first, like Weeder. Had the thought, "Dr. Seuss got picked up at UMass Dartmouth, drinking during prohibition. Professors tell us they get drunk. Dad did it Fresher year. I'll give it a shot." Drank. Found I didn't really change at all, just got a touch dizzier. Read Walt Whitman poetry. Danced. Revealed my chest--an annual occurrence. Randomly met Eric, Cassia's friend, which was a totally small-world occurrence. He saw my boobs before I knew who he was. We called her and left a message and she didn't believe it so I confirmed it. Slept in Katie's room; we pinky-promised to hook up with girls this year. I woke up feeling a bit sick, made myself throw up, felt better, got Taco Bell with everyone but Snoopy who secluded herself in bed and I refused to try to wake up again...

Raving with Cassia was definitely interesting. We were offered E and obviously refused. Jesse showed up. I enjoyed the dancing I could do. Loved watching Trolls 2 with Zephyr.

Home now. Trying to ignore the stress of university trying to slap me in the face. I still don't want Friday to come. I'll figure it out.

Now it is time to go eat! I approve this measure. I do not sound like myself at aaaaaall right now. Oh my.

cranky__crocusThis begins what could be a chain of memes. We'll see. This includes pictures.


It's hard to believe it's been ten years! These meme exists to highlight everything that made us who we are over the last ten years. Feel free to fill this out and send it around!

Original + copypaste code can be found here: awakenedpoet

( 2000-2010 meme )

cranky__crocusI promised myself I'd make a real livejournal entry before midnight. I didn't.

But fear not! I only did it because I inherently knew that starting the decade off with a broken promise was the best way to go. ;)

Instead I read through old entries, worked on a belated New Years post for when I'm done, napped and watched Scrubs.

Tomorrow will hopefully bring visits if I can get my hands on Grammie's car. Otherwise I'm stuffed. Boo!

It's a new decade. I haven't showered since last decade. Clearly, I am a scummy person.

Also, I pinky swore with Cake before we went to bed that we would have sex with women before the year ended. I take pinky swears very seriously. So either it'll be a surprise through the year or they'll be one heck of a New Year's gathering next year.

I'm going to be 20 years old. It's fascinating to watch my intelligence plummet! Cackles maddly and jogs off into the twilight of dreams.

cranky__crocusI like how I was just in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror (pouting over being broken out) and I realised that I was hit on at the mall when I went the other day.

Hello, Densest of the Dense Thickhead Kiwi!

Yes, when a girl in a shop comes up to you immediately and says, "I'm not going to lie, that is the coolest hoodie ever" about your BLARINGLY GAY RAINBOW JUMPER it could be a little hint. And then maybe, just maybe, you could catch on when she says, "And that belly button ring, I've got it too. The one in your ear." You could respond something with something more than a chuckle and a, "Oh, yes, I like wearing belly button rings in my ears instead." Which she complimented. And what is the piercing? Oh, it may just be the two-female sign on a rainbow background!

And if THAT isn't enough? Perhaps the fact that she smiles, laughs and looks you in the eyes as she silently directs you toward your friends when you have obviously lost them. Then further conversation and an authentic goodbye when you leave.

Kiwi, sometimes you are a putz. I love you, but you are totally a numpty.

...Giggles.

cranky__crocusThis just in:

I am going to write a 'How Not to Live Life' tutorial book.

If you feel you have any valid input on how to live life inadequately, please do send me your anecdotes! If you're especially skilled in the art of foolish living, you may get a whole chapter in your name!

Don't you fear for space! I'm envisioning this as a 10-tomb series with extra supplements around the holidays. ;)

You just let me know if you want in! We can discuss and organise our own idiocy over tea and biscuits.

[/sarcastic ambiguous emo rant of beautiful cryptic proportions]

Oh, life, I so love sprinkling you in my tea every morning. But please, when are you going to start telling me each sunrise whether you've decided to be sugar or salt for the day?

cranky__crocusRoom, you are GOING DOWN.

Do you know why you're going down?

Because I am putting off both the last episode of High Society AND a shower until I am pleased enough with your level of cleanliness.

Oh yes, you know what this means:

YOU are standing (sittingsprawledplopped...) between ME and MARY MCDONNELL and NAKED STEAMY TIME.

Game time, now! I choose you, hands & hoover!

You are so beyond frakking doomed!

cranky__crocusSo instead of cleaning my room, I have been cleaning/clearing through my laptop - which, let's be honest, is almost more of a 'room' to me than anything else.

I came across a quote that pretty much sums up my high school experience:


Mum: [Speaks in Charlie Brown teacher-language.] [Pause.] "What are you doing tonight?"
Kiwi: [Watches computer monitor.] "Homework."
M: [Cracks up uncontrollably.]
K: [Looks over with a raised eyebrow and a frown.] "*What?*"
M: "Oh, you KNOW what! It’s Friday night!"
K: [Goes back to looking at the monitor and pouting, mumbling about a mother's lack of respect for nerdiness.]

I also found a document filled with my favourite comments from an old teacher's emails. It cracked me up. I'll share them some day. :)

Back to going through documents, then poking at my real physical room! I hope it doesn't eat me. My room is pretty well known for doing that...

I will be thrilled if I can see my carpet by tonight.

cranky__crocusQuestion: If you were a billionaire, how much money would you give to Kiwi?

Toast's answer: kiwi wouldnt want my money but id be putting it under her pillow or shoes, the shower where ever


I love my friends and how well they know me. That answer was just so adorable and made me smile. Oh, the luck I must have in this world to end up with the friends I have. ♥